Friday, July 06, 2007

Superman is WAY better than Jesus

“Why?” you ask…

-He can fly

-He saves the world on a regular basis

-He's not dead

-He's faster than a speeding bullet

-He can turn back time

-Screw walking on water, Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound

-He has defeated numerous villains

-He has a job

-He doesn't have a homosexual haircut or the fag sandals and robe

-He can fuck Lois Lane and Wonder-Woman and any other woman on the planet in the same night

-He has a better body

-He has a cool hair

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Fuck the Whales (or, Gay Whales for Jesus!)

Inspired by Passionate about Plus Size which I stumbled upon it during my “Next Blog” perusing…

There are a bunch of people out there who want to save endangered species. I'm certainly not one of those hippie fuckers, that’s for sure. I like animals, sure, but I'm lazy. Its way too much work to save an animal. First you gotta choose which one you want to save. "Well, B/S, how about pandas?" And B/S's like, "Fuck no! Remember the panda that stole my peanuts when we were at the zoo? Fuck him. Fuck pandas."

Fuck pandas. Fuck the whales, too. And walruses (or is it walrii?). None of these fat fucks ever did a single thing positive to society. When was the last time we thanked the majestic walrus for saving a kid who got trapped on an iceberg? They're too lazy.

That's another thing, the majority of the animals on the endangered species list are the fattest things I've ever seen this side of Marlon Brando's left ass cheek (may God rest his soul.). It's not the fact that we, as humans, do whatever we can to kill them, it's the fact that they're too fat and lazy to defend themselves. You think that if a Rhino didn't weigh the same as an SUV, that they'd be endangered? Fuck no! They'd be all about kickin’ some human ass! I know I would!

Another point: Some of these animals are endangered for a reason. Obviously these hippie fuckers have never heard of Charles Darwin, or the expression "survival of the fittest." If the animal you're trying to save can't survive changes in its environment, then it's not meant to live! And don't give me any of that, "Human's are causing unadaptable environments" bullshit. If I can adapt to Muslim extremists bombing babies and flying planes into buildings, (as hard as it might be), a whale can get used to a little gasoline in the water. Besides, it's a big fucking ocean!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Why Are Blacks Afraid of Dogs?

(^^^Possible overdose?^^^)

I've noticed throughout the years that blacks are extremely afraid of dogs and small harmless cats. Me, being a subject matter expert, feel the need to try to explain this (I’m not really a subject matter expert, but it sounds good, doesn’t it?).

Was it because whites sic'd dogs on slaves when they didn’t act right or do what they were told? Or is it for the simple reason they see dogs as competition for free food and housing?

I say nay, it goes deeper than this. Let us go back. Back before "blacks" were known as "blacks" but were known simply as, "That dirty thing over there drinking cow blood and wallowing in zebra urine”.

Way back when in Africa, blacks lived by the motto: "obooka kukannaka ugg muufa ooofafa obaawatu" (translated), "He, who outruns the lion doesn’t die". Survival of the fittest was the name-of-the-game.

Africans (or, “blacks” as is more common these days) never had many actual pets in Africa. They either ate them, sacrificed them to some obscure spear-chucker god, or simply ran from them (as they do now). Some have even made a career out of the whole running thing (ie: Track and Field… Carl Lewis, Gail Devers, Jesse Owens, Marion Jones, Jackie Joyner Kersee, George Poage, John Baxter Taylor… need I go on?)).

I'm very happy with this outcome. I urge any single white female to own a large breed dog. Preferably an English Mastiff (all bark & no bite) or a Pit Bull (all bite & no bark) or else you will be viciously raped by a darky.

So, I ask you;



Thursday, June 21, 2007

Dogs: Take Them From Behind

(How could you resist this fat little fucker?)

I was going to call this 'Dog Fucking: The Way Forward' but that would have been a little too obvious. Now, on to the business at hand:

Most of you will be familiar with the practice of providing (often at the taxpayers expense) sick people, handicapped people, dying people, blind people etc, etc, with a dog to cheer them up. The theory, and it is quite correct, is that dogs are able to provide true and faithful love. And this of course is good for the recipient.

Why do dogs get used for this purpose? Partly because they are cheap, I suppose. But mainly because humans are incapable of providing love of the same quality that dogs can provide. It's as simple as that. Think about it for a moment and you will realize it's true.

Now. Why should only the diagnosed sick and dying be getting the benefits of dog love? What about all the people who suffer from sexual handicaps (ie: all of us poor, sad fuckers on Blogspot & Wordpress, or most of the world for that matter)? So many people suffer because they have no way of connecting with pure love and sex at the same time.

The obvious solution: Dog sex.

Of course, some adjustments to mental and social attitudes would need to be made. I must admit that I find dogs, sexually, rather repulsive. But I'm sure if I could overcome that squeemishness, the benefits of a sexual connection to PURE DOG LOVE would do me (and all the other sexual cripples in the world) just as much good as PURE DOG LOVE does cancer kids, the elderly, the blind, etc.

To summarize:

-Dog love is superior to human love and is virtually guaranteed to soothe the sick
-When trying to alleviate our sexual woes, we (usually) turn to humans for their inferior brand of love
-Obviously we should try the superior product (dog love)

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Got Jism?

See how happy your jism can make someone? Not only will it provide her with a chance to produce yet another unwanted 3rd world child, but it may also enable her to live for just a few more minutes due to it's VITAL nutritional value. CHUG-A-LUG! CHUG-A-LUG! CHUG-A-LUG!