Friday, July 06, 2007

Superman is WAY better than Jesus

“Why?” you ask…

-He can fly

-He saves the world on a regular basis

-He's not dead

-He's faster than a speeding bullet

-He can turn back time

-Screw walking on water, Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound

-He has defeated numerous villains

-He has a job

-He doesn't have a homosexual haircut or the fag sandals and robe

-He can fuck Lois Lane and Wonder-Woman and any other woman on the planet in the same night

-He has a better body

-He has a cool hair

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Fuck the Whales (or, Gay Whales for Jesus!)

Inspired by Passionate about Plus Size which I stumbled upon it during my “Next Blog” perusing…

There are a bunch of people out there who want to save endangered species. I'm certainly not one of those hippie fuckers, that’s for sure. I like animals, sure, but I'm lazy. Its way too much work to save an animal. First you gotta choose which one you want to save. "Well, B/S, how about pandas?" And B/S's like, "Fuck no! Remember the panda that stole my peanuts when we were at the zoo? Fuck him. Fuck pandas."

Fuck pandas. Fuck the whales, too. And walruses (or is it walrii?). None of these fat fucks ever did a single thing positive to society. When was the last time we thanked the majestic walrus for saving a kid who got trapped on an iceberg? They're too lazy.

That's another thing, the majority of the animals on the endangered species list are the fattest things I've ever seen this side of Marlon Brando's left ass cheek (may God rest his soul.). It's not the fact that we, as humans, do whatever we can to kill them, it's the fact that they're too fat and lazy to defend themselves. You think that if a Rhino didn't weigh the same as an SUV, that they'd be endangered? Fuck no! They'd be all about kickin’ some human ass! I know I would!

Another point: Some of these animals are endangered for a reason. Obviously these hippie fuckers have never heard of Charles Darwin, or the expression "survival of the fittest." If the animal you're trying to save can't survive changes in its environment, then it's not meant to live! And don't give me any of that, "Human's are causing unadaptable environments" bullshit. If I can adapt to Muslim extremists bombing babies and flying planes into buildings, (as hard as it might be), a whale can get used to a little gasoline in the water. Besides, it's a big fucking ocean!