Tuesday, August 31, 2010


I think it's safe to say, I'm going STRAIGHT to hell for this.

Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The End of the Raven
by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat

On a night quite unenchanting,
when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting
of the man I catch mice for.

Tipsy and a bit unshaven,
in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched
above the chamber door.

"Raven's very tasty," thought I,
as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more".

Soft upon the rug I treaded,
calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded
bust of Pallas I deplore.

While the bard and birdie chattered,
I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered,
as I crossed the corridor;

For his house is crammed with trinkets,
curios and weird decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.

Still the Raven never fluttered,
standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered,
his two cents' worth - "Nevermore."

While this dirge the birdbrain kept up,
oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly leapt up,
pouncing on the feathered bore.

Soon he was a heap of plumage,
and a little blood and gore-
Only this and not much more.

"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out,
"Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout
talking to a bird before.

How I've wallowed in self-pity,
while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" -
then I heard him start to snore.

Back atop the door I clambered,
eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Bored With Porn

(1st Google image-search result for "Bored with Porn")

I am now completely bored with porn. I've watched too much, looked at too much, listened to too much. There's just too much porn.

There's soft-core, hardcore, X and XXX. There's blondes, brunettes, redheads, blonde-on-blonde, blonde-on-brunettes, and blonde-on-redheads. I've seen fucking, fisting, fingering, felching, and too much foreplay.

Oh, there’re blowjobs, handjobs, and rimjobs. There's chicks with dicks, chicks with strap-ons, and chicks who love chicks. I can't watch anymore dildos, vibrators, buttplugs, anal beads, love swings, whips, chains, handcuffs, or gags.

I will miss big tits, big asses, long legs, and dick sucking lips. I never really understood foot fetish, leather fetish, toilet fetish, or German scheisse videos. I did like teens, MILFs, barely legal, and over 40. There were voluptuous vixens, mature amateurs, bodacious bods, sexy swingers, and horny housewives. I liked drunk bitches, college bitches, dominatrix bitches, and just plain bitches.

Who didn't like nurses, maids, military, schoolgirls, and cheerleaders? I saw fit girls, fat girls, fashion models, and models of the day. I read Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, High Society, Cherri, Oui, Score, and Gallery.

And there's solo, one-on-one, 3-somes, and orgies. There's black, white, Asian and lovely Latinas.

There was nude celebs, nude models, nudists, and non-nude. I gazed at Danni Ashe, Alisha Class, Jenna Jameson and Jenna Haze. What about Veronica Vanoza, Veronica Zemonova, Silvia Saint, and Sonja Silva? And don't forget Jordan and Ginger Lynn, Christy Canyon and Raven.

I will miss them all. But right now, I'd rather watch Terminator 2: Judgment Day or Formula-1 racing on the Speed Channel ©.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Say Chee... Nevermind

How do men recognize their wives wearing burkhas in public?

It's got to be something simple, like by smell or something.

Or maybe it's a little more complex, and It becomes second nature. Sorta like how a mother penguin recognizes her offspring in a sea of thousands of penguin chicks

Anyone know?

Friday, June 04, 2010

Waste of Bandwidth

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't they wear full burkhas over there in Iran'land?

Fucking stupid assholes.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Hairy Taco Haiku

Beaver, Snapper, Mound
Pussy, Clit, Cunt, Bearded Clam

Coochie, Muffin, Slit

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Oh the Irony...

Not sure there's much I can add that this picture doesn't already say...